As someone who is going to be giving birth to my first child in 7-8 weeks (give or take), it is such a gift to read your experience of the early years of motherhood. Thank you for sharing <3
I was really stunned by the transition in my sense of self that happened postpartum; I was not expecting or prepared for it. I, too, longed to ‘get back to my old self’ before realising that I had been transformed into something different, a bit like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. I was (am) myself, but becoming a mother changed me in a way that I don’t want to undo - even if I am eager to get back to doing some things (running!) that I couldn’t while pregnant or newly postpartum. It really is such a fun season - if you can get through the first few weeks of sleepless nights. So excited for you!
Indeed, it is quite mind blowing and also totally unexpected in my experience. Sadly I feel as though the huge transition is not honoured or held in our society and as such the focus is on going back rather than on the actual preparation required (aside from the onus on costly, practical things). At the same time, I found it difficult to think past the birth or imagine how it would be, maybe there is a reason our brains can’t quite go there (or maybe that’s just me!). As we know, going back is not possible (or for the most part desirable) but change is not comfortable and it certainly takes time, patience and trust to come back together into wholeness, albeit rearranged xx
I love your idea of coming back to wholeness rearranged; that it such a good way to think about it. I wish someone had spoken to me about this before my little one was born, so that I could be prepared for that 'all at sea' feeling that overwhelmed me in the first 6ish months.
Yes absolutely, it is not talked about enough, we are often sooo underprepared for the immediate postpartum and longer term shift within our lives… it is also very hard to get our heads around before birth I think… we slowly make our way back together, with added layers xx
Ah Kelsey, what a very magic and tender time you are in, holding all of the potential alongside the unknowns of your next chapter. I am so thrilled that you have found reading my words of value, thank you for taking the time to say so — I really appreciate it xx
This is just so utterly beautiful my love. I could speak to so many things within it… the thing that landed like a jolt for me was when you spoke about being ‘just a mum’ and how choosing to be around in the pre school years is a choice, but not an easy option by any stretch. Gosh that landed. The pictures of the babes just made me melt. I’m feeling particularly tender tonight after a challenging bedtime and not responding in a way I would have liked ahead of a weekend of solo parenting… and I am just so grateful for the way you make Mothering feel like art, and therefore allow me to see myself as part of that artistry. Thank you. Xxx
Thank you my dear. Yes a lot of strands that I am sure we could discuss forever, and we do! And YES to holding the truth of both the privilege and the sometimes impossible challenges. Much love to you after your difficult evening, it is so so hard, I think we have to keep showing ourselves the tenderness in all of this and remembering our humanness and that there is always the repair. I am so grateful for your words about making mothering seem like art, as you know it doesn’t always feel that way, but thank you for seeing this in me. And yes you are absolutely part of the magical imperfect beauty we show up and create each day (and night!) xx
Lyndsay - it's been a while! I've been following your posts from afar and just had to comment on this one as it resonated so much with me, also as a mum of 2 little ones. It pains me that mothers who choose to 'stay at home' (I think we also need a better phrase for that) should feel like they're not doing enough. It just seems ludicrous to me that they should be made to feel this way given how utterly all consuming and demanding it is. I have many (daily) thoughts on how to redress this imbalance and all we can do is follow and support people who re writing about it and making a difference (like yourself). Lots of love xx
Davina!! Thank you so much for your ongoing support and for sharing your thoughts here, it means a lot. I entirely agree that there needs to be a total reframe of the SAHM, the perception is so far from the reality of the experience. I feel like there are so many layers to unpick and unravel and I am only just beginning to find the words to figure it out. Thank you for seeing me on all of this, your understanding is appreciated and I see you too. I agree, we have to keep talking about it in order for the value of mothering/caring to be recognised and honoured in the way it so deeply deserves. Lots of love to you xx
Thank you so much for reading Stephanie. I’m glad it came across that way, four years in I still find it so hard to make sense of and find words to describe the seemingly infinite layers of mothering. But you are right there is a primal feeling very much at the core of most things which, when we are able to listen, makes things more straightforward as the pulls are so strong! xx
I could absolutely relate to what you’ve written here Lyndsay. Motherhood is full of so many transitions, some we are ready for, some we are not. And then we are trying to figure everything out and also be ourselves and a mother. It is beautiful and messy and so many feelings in between ❤️
Thank you for reading Mackenzie. You are so right, I once heard it said that mothering is filled with 'tiny griefs' as stages pass which does feel true although there is often even more beauty to be found in what comes next (and of course we often forget the hardest times!) Yes to figuring it all out, the complex, multilayered feelings, the push/pull, the so often holding multiple truths at the same time. Here for all the fullness over the unseen/not enoughness of it all xx
And thank you, it is so sweet and evocative of another time seeing them as little babies. And yes I thought it was a good time to show my face as I emerge from the unseen! I have so few pictures of myself and must change that! xx
So beautiful! I think maybe because motherhood is not where I'm at yet that I find it hard to put into words what your writing evokes in me. It makes me both excited for the future and also feel sadness for those moms (like some of my colleagues in the US) who are not able to tend to the shifts and needed new rhythm but have to bounce back in order to work again so soon.
On another note, when I stepped out of the plane being back in Germany a few days ago, I had to think of you. How being in italy felt like I opened the window to spring and now back where it's colder again I do enjoy the coziness cuddled up in layers of woollen blankets. I think this is how you wrote about spring in your past post and maybe this is also fitting for this phase of motherhood you're in now, not quite winter anymore but also not full spring quite yet? xx
Thank you Carmen! I really appreciate you reading and for your perspective. I don’t think I read anything about actual mothering before I indeed became one myself, in fact I found it very difficult to get my head around in the way that it is often presented to us. I am glad that you feel an element of excitement about the possibility in the future and yes it is sad that what is socially normal does not reflect the reality of what we and our babies need.
I loved hearing your experience of winterspring through your travels! And yes that is exactly it, I feel winterspring so much in this life chapter, sometimes feeling ready to emerge and other times yearning for the comfort of the cocoon…xx
Im the youngest from my many cousins so when I was 13 the first one had her first baby and since then all conversations amongst us „girls“ have always returned to birth, boobs, motherhood etc in every conversation 😅
This is really beautiful, and I resonate with a lot of it, particularly around the push-pull of longing to be with my son (& acutely aware of how fast these precious years of his childhood will pass) and a craving to have more time for my own pursuits.
And even though you don’t currently have a label in the formal world of work (oh, how people love to pigeonhole us!), don’t forget that showing up here each week with all these words is huge! And, no doubt, sowing the seeds of what’s to come. Xx
Thank you so much for reading Annabel. I am so glad that you saw some of your own feelings and experiences in it. Yes very much to the push/pull, there are so many seemingly opposing truths that exist together, one of my biggest learnings!
Thank you for your kind words of support and recognition, I really appreciate you seeing it in this way. That is how it feels, a commitment to creativity (and myself) and hopefully paving the way for a continued unfolding xx
A really wonderful piece. Thank you. Most particularly "also existing in my fullest expression when I am with them" this reverberated with my experience and was a constant comfort to me when I charged myself with the 'not enoughness' of being 'just a Mum'
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Líadain. I am so heartened to hear that those words resonated for you. There is a lot of discussion about being lost in motherhood (which can also feel true at times) but not enough spoken about the richness of the role. I am so glad this thought brought you comfort in the face of the ‘not enoughness’ of being ‘just’ a mum. A reframe is definitely needed! xx
As someone who is going to be giving birth to my first child in 7-8 weeks (give or take), it is such a gift to read your experience of the early years of motherhood. Thank you for sharing <3
I was really stunned by the transition in my sense of self that happened postpartum; I was not expecting or prepared for it. I, too, longed to ‘get back to my old self’ before realising that I had been transformed into something different, a bit like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. I was (am) myself, but becoming a mother changed me in a way that I don’t want to undo - even if I am eager to get back to doing some things (running!) that I couldn’t while pregnant or newly postpartum. It really is such a fun season - if you can get through the first few weeks of sleepless nights. So excited for you!
Indeed, it is quite mind blowing and also totally unexpected in my experience. Sadly I feel as though the huge transition is not honoured or held in our society and as such the focus is on going back rather than on the actual preparation required (aside from the onus on costly, practical things). At the same time, I found it difficult to think past the birth or imagine how it would be, maybe there is a reason our brains can’t quite go there (or maybe that’s just me!). As we know, going back is not possible (or for the most part desirable) but change is not comfortable and it certainly takes time, patience and trust to come back together into wholeness, albeit rearranged xx
I love your idea of coming back to wholeness rearranged; that it such a good way to think about it. I wish someone had spoken to me about this before my little one was born, so that I could be prepared for that 'all at sea' feeling that overwhelmed me in the first 6ish months.
Yes absolutely, it is not talked about enough, we are often sooo underprepared for the immediate postpartum and longer term shift within our lives… it is also very hard to get our heads around before birth I think… we slowly make our way back together, with added layers xx
Ah Kelsey, what a very magic and tender time you are in, holding all of the potential alongside the unknowns of your next chapter. I am so thrilled that you have found reading my words of value, thank you for taking the time to say so — I really appreciate it xx
This is just so utterly beautiful my love. I could speak to so many things within it… the thing that landed like a jolt for me was when you spoke about being ‘just a mum’ and how choosing to be around in the pre school years is a choice, but not an easy option by any stretch. Gosh that landed. The pictures of the babes just made me melt. I’m feeling particularly tender tonight after a challenging bedtime and not responding in a way I would have liked ahead of a weekend of solo parenting… and I am just so grateful for the way you make Mothering feel like art, and therefore allow me to see myself as part of that artistry. Thank you. Xxx
Thank you my dear. Yes a lot of strands that I am sure we could discuss forever, and we do! And YES to holding the truth of both the privilege and the sometimes impossible challenges. Much love to you after your difficult evening, it is so so hard, I think we have to keep showing ourselves the tenderness in all of this and remembering our humanness and that there is always the repair. I am so grateful for your words about making mothering seem like art, as you know it doesn’t always feel that way, but thank you for seeing this in me. And yes you are absolutely part of the magical imperfect beauty we show up and create each day (and night!) xx
Resonating with so much of this, such a beautiful reflection x
Ah thank you 🩷🩷🩷 always grateful to you for helping me to navigate and bring in creativity in the most special way xx
Lyndsay - it's been a while! I've been following your posts from afar and just had to comment on this one as it resonated so much with me, also as a mum of 2 little ones. It pains me that mothers who choose to 'stay at home' (I think we also need a better phrase for that) should feel like they're not doing enough. It just seems ludicrous to me that they should be made to feel this way given how utterly all consuming and demanding it is. I have many (daily) thoughts on how to redress this imbalance and all we can do is follow and support people who re writing about it and making a difference (like yourself). Lots of love xx
Davina!! Thank you so much for your ongoing support and for sharing your thoughts here, it means a lot. I entirely agree that there needs to be a total reframe of the SAHM, the perception is so far from the reality of the experience. I feel like there are so many layers to unpick and unravel and I am only just beginning to find the words to figure it out. Thank you for seeing me on all of this, your understanding is appreciated and I see you too. I agree, we have to keep talking about it in order for the value of mothering/caring to be recognised and honoured in the way it so deeply deserves. Lots of love to you xx
I feel all these emotions alongside you Lyndsay. You've beautifully put into words these universal, primal longings we have to be with our children 💛
Thank you so much for reading Stephanie. I’m glad it came across that way, four years in I still find it so hard to make sense of and find words to describe the seemingly infinite layers of mothering. But you are right there is a primal feeling very much at the core of most things which, when we are able to listen, makes things more straightforward as the pulls are so strong! xx
I could absolutely relate to what you’ve written here Lyndsay. Motherhood is full of so many transitions, some we are ready for, some we are not. And then we are trying to figure everything out and also be ourselves and a mother. It is beautiful and messy and so many feelings in between ❤️
Thank you for reading Mackenzie. You are so right, I once heard it said that mothering is filled with 'tiny griefs' as stages pass which does feel true although there is often even more beauty to be found in what comes next (and of course we often forget the hardest times!) Yes to figuring it all out, the complex, multilayered feelings, the push/pull, the so often holding multiple truths at the same time. Here for all the fullness over the unseen/not enoughness of it all xx
adding to my other comment, the little ones are ADORABLE! and I love seeing a photo of you in your post, too! :)
And thank you, it is so sweet and evocative of another time seeing them as little babies. And yes I thought it was a good time to show my face as I emerge from the unseen! I have so few pictures of myself and must change that! xx
Im the same, very few photos of myself…
So beautiful! I think maybe because motherhood is not where I'm at yet that I find it hard to put into words what your writing evokes in me. It makes me both excited for the future and also feel sadness for those moms (like some of my colleagues in the US) who are not able to tend to the shifts and needed new rhythm but have to bounce back in order to work again so soon.
On another note, when I stepped out of the plane being back in Germany a few days ago, I had to think of you. How being in italy felt like I opened the window to spring and now back where it's colder again I do enjoy the coziness cuddled up in layers of woollen blankets. I think this is how you wrote about spring in your past post and maybe this is also fitting for this phase of motherhood you're in now, not quite winter anymore but also not full spring quite yet? xx
Thank you Carmen! I really appreciate you reading and for your perspective. I don’t think I read anything about actual mothering before I indeed became one myself, in fact I found it very difficult to get my head around in the way that it is often presented to us. I am glad that you feel an element of excitement about the possibility in the future and yes it is sad that what is socially normal does not reflect the reality of what we and our babies need.
I loved hearing your experience of winterspring through your travels! And yes that is exactly it, I feel winterspring so much in this life chapter, sometimes feeling ready to emerge and other times yearning for the comfort of the cocoon…xx
Im the youngest from my many cousins so when I was 13 the first one had her first baby and since then all conversations amongst us „girls“ have always returned to birth, boobs, motherhood etc in every conversation 😅
This is really beautiful, and I resonate with a lot of it, particularly around the push-pull of longing to be with my son (& acutely aware of how fast these precious years of his childhood will pass) and a craving to have more time for my own pursuits.
And even though you don’t currently have a label in the formal world of work (oh, how people love to pigeonhole us!), don’t forget that showing up here each week with all these words is huge! And, no doubt, sowing the seeds of what’s to come. Xx
Thank you so much for reading Annabel. I am so glad that you saw some of your own feelings and experiences in it. Yes very much to the push/pull, there are so many seemingly opposing truths that exist together, one of my biggest learnings!
Thank you for your kind words of support and recognition, I really appreciate you seeing it in this way. That is how it feels, a commitment to creativity (and myself) and hopefully paving the way for a continued unfolding xx
A really wonderful piece. Thank you. Most particularly "also existing in my fullest expression when I am with them" this reverberated with my experience and was a constant comfort to me when I charged myself with the 'not enoughness' of being 'just a Mum'
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Líadain. I am so heartened to hear that those words resonated for you. There is a lot of discussion about being lost in motherhood (which can also feel true at times) but not enough spoken about the richness of the role. I am so glad this thought brought you comfort in the face of the ‘not enoughness’ of being ‘just’ a mum. A reframe is definitely needed! xx